


border

by zohe



Category: GOT7
Genre: Abstract, Alternate Universe, M/M, Mentions of Death, it's really abstract lol, mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 17:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18183620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zohe/pseuds/zohe
Summary: a bleak outlook on the future, a questionable present existence; one thing remains certain - their connection is undeniable.





	border

///

 

His own voice sounds out in the darkness, raspy and low.

 

Jaebum found himself talking about the man that died again.

He couldn’t help it.

 

That sight flashed itself back into his mind: the way the man’s neck had been twisted at such an obtuse angle. His arm, bent against the asphalt.

How he had laid there, overturned… motionless and cold.

 

Jaebum saw those eyes – wide open, unnaturally so: as if the man had saw the entirety of the moment, and realised that his life was about to be completely over. 

The strobe lights flashed red, blue, white, in the wee hours of that cloudy and cold morning but nothing they did could wake the man up again.

 

Jaebum blinked his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

 

Maybe the incident really hit him closer than he had thought it did. Flashes of those images kept surfacing in his head, without fear or dread, really – after all, it’s not the first time Jaebum has seen a dead body – but still, that man, and his dead but open eyes… that whole scene. Bits and pieces of the incident oddly simmered about his head, like a lingering series of dark thoughts that wouldn’t quite go away.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything though.

 

After a short while, Jinyoung feels a soft warmth spreading from his arms as Jaebum’s upper arm touched his own, from under the sheets.

 

After another short span of silence, Jaebum asks:

_What would you do if that was me…?_

_…if I had died…?_

 

The open question spills from Jaebum’s lips, eventually.

Jinyoung felt it coming, so he wasn’t that surprised, or taken aback. His tired eyes slowly opens to look at the ceiling. They both knew he wasn’t asleep, anyway.

 

_…I would find another man_ , Jinyoung tells him.

 

Outside, a truck honks aloud abruptly, even though it was in the middle of the night. The ugly and loud noise breaks the quiet quality of the night, but Jinyoung doesn’t have the energy to be mad or angry.

He shifts a little under the sheets, and in the process his leg comes into contact with Jaebum’s.

Jaebum doesn’t flinch or move away.

And because it felt nice, their legs stayed like that.

 

Touching and together, a tender warm feeling.

 

An angry shout comes from another apartment window – someone else, apparently, did not share Jinyoung’s sentiments.

The truck driver curses something back, but it was not as audible.

 

Jinyoung sighed softly, but really, he was quite used to it.

Things like these were a commonplace in a battered down neighbourhood that his one-bedroom apartment was located in. It was only to be expected.

 

Jaebum smiles at the ceiling.

 

_Would you?_

 

Jaebum asks, like he never heard the honking, or the maddening shouts.

_Where would you find one?_

 

A pause.

Another curse passes through the thin apartment walls, too loud for them to pretend they didn’t hear it.  

 

_I don’t know, maybe… I’ll try one of your friends,_ Jinyoung replies, faking a contemplating tone, voice drifting apart.

 

His hollow words sound thoughtless as they echo in the room. But they both knew the true meaning behind his seemingly uncaring words: after all, they shared a bed on occasional nights, but not their lives. They had separate lives they led. Lives that did not cross paths, and probably never will.

…all they could truly claim to share was the quiet comfort of random nights, where they were enveloped in obscure darkness, some tangled, messed-up sheets, and each other’s warmth – a strangely addicting feeling that they both didn’t really want, or could bear to part from, even though it was something they had never really brought up in their conversations.

 

Jinyoung’s words were only reminding them both about this.

And Jaebum had liked that part of Jinyoung, too. He liked the assertive self-awareness Jinyoung possessed. How he was so adamantly fixated on reality, to clearly know where he stood, which boundaries he could push, what lines to never cross.

 

-

 

_“I grew up, that’s what happened_ ,” was what Jinyoung said when Jaebum had asked then.

It was a hazy and warm night, and a bleary-eyed Jaebum chose to turn over to the other side of the bed, away from Jinyoung as he close off his tired and hurting eyes. He casually asked the question that he hadn’t intended to ask, as he turned over on his side. He had felt a rush of a blurry tense feeling jolt up in his chest when the words left his mouth – because usually, Jaebum was careful: he always kept a safe distance with his partners.

Never the one to ask an unnecessary question, never one to reveal additional information.

 

So this, even the simple gesture of asking a question like that, was unusual for Jaebum.

 

It was unnecessary.

Something he didn’t need to know.

 

But he did it anyway.

Maybe, he could blame it on the dark images of the dead man he saw earlier on in the day.

 

…or maybe, because it was simply a question he had churning in his head for the longest time. Because of a certain image, a picture of Jinyoung that would surface in his head in the oddest of moments. Jaebum could never forget it, or erase it away.

He remembered it then, even as he had been staring at the dead body, his mind flickered to that one image of Jinyoung for a short half-second.

 

He wanted to know.

 

He had always wanted to ask, when he held Jinyoung’s legs apart, as his hips thrusted forward, forceful quick motions.

He hears their erratic mess hot breaths mix together in the stuffy room, and feels Jinyoung’s delectable warmth; the sheer pleasure of how he clenched around him, how they were pressed hotly together, skin on skin.

The smell of sex, sweat and leftover beer.

 

The sweat, the breaths, the thrusts.

 

 

And then-

 

 

Those eyes.

 

The way they looked back at him, in that single moment. Illuminated by the dimmest glow of orange lights, Jinyoung’s features seemed especially soft. And those eyes, they called out to him.

Dark, dark irises.

 

Alluring, breath-taking.

 

And that look on his face, like Jaebum could _fucking_ break him, and that Jinyoung would _want_ that to happen.

 

Like he was waiting for it.

 

His eyes shined, filled with this sharp darkness and an inexplicable pain Jaebum didn’t understand.

And all Jaebum wanted to do in that moment was to take that pain away from him.

 

And Jaebum thrusts even harder, as he stares into those eyes.

Jinyoung trembles, eyes closing off as his head rolls back for a short moment.

 

A low whimper of a needy moan left his lips.

And when he looked back at Jaebum, their eyes locked and it was _that look_.

 

It had stuck with Jaebum ever since.

 

So even though Jaebum had a protocol he followed religiously, he couldn’t help but ask. Or, it more like the question helplessly left his lips, and Jaebum could no longer withhold the urge.

All along, he had been unwilling to ask, and yet he had always wanted to know.

 

And maybe, that’s why he got the courage and the burning bout of impulse to ask the question that night – because he wasn’t facing Jinyoung. He had his back against the guy, and had his own eyes closed off. In the darkness, he could pretend it was a question he never asked.

 

In the darkness, the only voice he heard was Jinyoung’s, who answered his question, in that nice tone of voice he has.

 

_“I grew up, that’s what happened.”_

 

Jinyoung pauses, and Jaebum could almost feel him thinking. There’s a silence in the room, but it felt natural somehow. It felt like time did not exist, and their slow, steadying breaths belonged together like that, in the silent darkness. For the longest time, Jaebum stares at nothing with his closed eyes, and Jinyoung says nothing more.

 

And then, in the softest of whispers,

_“…don’t we all…?”_

Jaebum doesn’t say anything when he hears those words, but in that moment, he feels an odd light of comfort in his chest. That one argument with a co-worker that left him pissed off earlier in the day felt far gone, insignificant. Dissipated, along with Jinyoung’s quiet words that resonated in the darkness.

 

-

 

_I don’t know, maybe… I’ll try one of your friends…_

 

Upon hearing Jinyoung’s words – words he well knew were intended to rub him the wrong way and awake him to the confinements of their reality – Jaebum found himself saying:

 

_…yeah? You think they’d sleep with you knowing that I was dead?_

 

He tone was even, he wasn’t angry.

Maybe, he even sounded a tad amused. He knew Jinyoung better than that.

 

_Hm..? I don’t have to tell them about you,_ Jinyoung muses aloud. _They wouldn’t know about me_.

 

Jaebum feels a strange coldness entering the room, prickling like tiny needles on his skin. He turns on his side to face the man lying beside himself.

_They wouldn’t sleep with you_ , Jaebum hears himself saying.

 

Slowly, Jaebum moves up the arm that was nearer to Jinyoung from under the sheets.

He slides the back of his hands against Jinyoung’s chin, up his jaw. The back of his fingers linger a little longer on Jinyoung’s round and soft cheeks before breaking off contact.

 

He touched a finger to the sides of Jinyoung’s half-lidded, beautiful eyes.

And watched as they slowly close, shut.

 

_…not when you only have eyes for me._

Jaebum had told him before, on a few different occasions, like it was something he wanted Jinyoung to remember for some reason – _you can lie with your words, but Jinyoung-ah, don’t you know that your eyes tell me everything I need to know?_

It was a part of Jinyoung that he was exceptionally fond of, and perhaps would always be fond of. Jaebum doesn’t think he could ever forget the first time he saw those eyes. In the darkness of that night, those alluring eyes, burning with a certain defiance. They betrayed the words Jinyoung had chosen to say, and made his gaze linger for a second longer, maybe a second _too_ long. And then, the rest was history.

_No one mourns forever,_ Jinyoung says plainly, there’s something deeper etched in his voice. He closes off his tired eyes.

 

Jaebum stares on at the other man’s face, watching how Jinyoung’s features were elegantly illuminated by the dim lights pouring in from the window. He likes how soft Jinyoung’s cheeks looked, shining under the muted auburn shade of light.

 

Jaebum leans in, closer.

 

_Some people do, Jinyoung-ah._

He kisses the side of his Jinyoung’s face as he says this, voice still sounding slightly sleepy and raspy.

 

_I bet you would._

 

Jinyoung’s cheeks were softer than they looked, cold, but tender. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything.

 

_And I’m a hard man to replace._

 

///

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i was sad about something, i think. i can't remember for sure.   
> this was written in 2017.   
> and i kinda never thought i'd publish it, but then, i thought, ahhhh maybe i should just throw it up there into the internet.   
> it's not everyone's cuppa tea, and it's not a logically sound piece (lol) but hope it was enjoyable for some of ya anyway.


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